Myths of the Journey #7

NOVEMBER 3, 2017 BY RICHARD BLANKENSHIP

Myth #7 – I’m worthless if my spouse doesn’t approve of me and accept me.

Feelings of rejection are normal when you discover your spouses addiction. However, your self-worth is not synonymous with another human being’s opinion of you. Many of us marry believing we have found the one magical person who can meet all of our needs. As imperfect humans, this sets us up for disappointment and feelings of rejection.

We live with the consequences of our own actions and the actions of others. The addict’s acting out behavior profoundly wounds the partner. People marry believing that they are that one special chosen person. The feelings of inadequacy and devastation hit the partner right in the heart. The sinking feeling of rejection is overwhelming. Enjoying the approval of others feels good when we receive it, but we cannot depend on it for our self worth.

Partners: you are beautiful as you are. You are more than adequate. You don’t deserve the trauma that has been inflicted on you through the betrayal. Surround yourself with a community of people who will affirm you. As you heal, let this be a time where you cultivate your true gifts and identity.

 

Adapted from Spouses of Sex Addicts: Hope for the Journey

Richard Blankenship & Joyce Tomblin