How Can I Rebuild My Self-Esteem After My Spouse's Betrayal?
How can low self-esteem impact many areas of your life?
When our spouse betrays us, our self-esteem can be shattered. We may blame ourselves for their poor choices instead of holding them accountable. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Often, a spouse's betrayal can lead to false, negative beliefs about ourselves. However, as you work to challenge these false beliefs, you can begin to heal. As a result, you can also improve your self-esteem.
This article looks at how betrayal can lower self-esteem. We'll discuss how low self-esteem can impact many areas of your life. Finally, we'll provide three ideas about how you can rebuild your self-esteem.
Why Does My Spouse's Betrayal Affect My Self-Esteem?
There are many reasons why betrayal can have such a negative impact on your self-esteem. You might believe that if you had been happier, sexier, or smarter, your spouse would have been faithful. However, it's important to remember, your spouse made choices outside of your commitment to each other. For example, if your spouse has an addiction, it likely has nothing to do with you.
Your self-esteem can suffer if your spouse isn't emotionally connected to your needs. For example, your partner may not provide emotional support and love when you feel discouraged or alone. This can create negative core beliefs like, 'I'm not enough." Likewise, if they become defensive when you question their actions, you may develop a pattern of self-doubt.
How Does Low Self-Esteem Impact Me?
Self-doubt seems to go hand in hand with low self-esteem. For example, you might believe that you can't trust yourself to make a decision. Likewise, you may feel like everything is your fault, that you can't stand up for yourself, or that you are inadequate. As a result, your low self-esteem can affect many areas of your life outside of your relationship with your spouse.
As negative core beliefs take over, you may hesitate to take risks because you fear you will fail. For example, you may turn down opportunities that could bring you joy and confidence.
Likewise, you may struggle to consider your needs as you strive to take care of everyone around you. As a result, you may lose sight of your worth or your sense of who you are.
3 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem After a Betrayal
One way to rebuild your self-esteem is to put your needs first. The idea is similar to that of putting your oxygen mask on first, then address the needs of others. As you work on the belief that you deserve to have your needs met, you can improve the way you feel and think about yourself. For example, you may work on setting and holding boundaries around your partner's hurtful comments. You may decide you will walk away if conversations become unproductive or damaging.
Another way to rebuild your self-esteem is to seek a support group or therapist. By having a group of people who understand your situation, you can begin to overcome self-doubt. Likewise, your therapist may help you recognize patterns of deceit or abuse. They can also help you work on identifying your strengths. As a result, you're able to work toward rebuilding your sense of self-worth.
The third idea is to set aside time to develop your own talents. If you've been carrying the weight of your marriage, you may have neglected your interests and hobbies. So, take time to get back on the tennis court, start painting again or go on a hike with friends. As you find activities where you excel and enjoy, you can gain a stronger sense of self.
At Capstone Counseling and Coaching, we help women who are living with betrayal trauma. We could help you learn to trust yourself again and rebuild your self-esteem.
